BLOGGER TEMPLATES AND TWITTER BACKGROUNDS

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

LIFE TIP OF THE DAY #3

LIFE TIP OF THE DAY :
DO WHAT YOU SAID YOU WERE GOING TO DO, ESPECIALLY IF YOU PROMISED YOU WOULD 8 TIMES IN FRONT OF A CAMERA, OTHERWISE, YOU CAN BE AS FLOPPY AS A FAT FISH IN A HOT PAN AND I WON'T CARE

Breitbart.tv » The C-Span Lie? See Eight Clips of Obama Promising Televised Healthcare Negotiations

I wonder how he's going to get out of this one. 8 times is not like he ambiguously alluded to the wisp of an idea on a foggy mountain cap in Nepal that he may or may not consider the feasibility of possibly televising negotiations on an unnamed network.

I wonder sometimes as I sit and watch the numerable gaffes of this junior high administration who else thinks about this stuff. Is it possible that some people go through their days without ever thinking about the country at all? Seems crazy to me, but I'm sure it's true. People get busy, their lives are full, and when they have a minute, online shopping is probably more entertaining than the Reuters news site. (And you know, I may have just found the reason for the slim pickings in my closet. Buy something to read or buy clothes? If you know me, you know my bookshelf wins almost every time.) Ah, but how great this country would be if we all exercised our right to think . . . to engage in the discourse about the direction of our great nation . . .

But I digress. I offered a variety of possible topics yesterday for today, and since it's a busy day, I'll just do a literary potpourri. (How awful is that word? Never liked it.)

Why I Don't Straighten My Hair

It takes too long and it's going to curl anyway and it makes my hand hurt.

Then end.

Why You Should Never Befriend a Possum

They get comfortable and eat through the floor in your largely unused closet from under your dilapidated house, build a nest out of your shoes and proceed to birth little, comfortable possums.

As presumptuous as this sounds, it's not really the problem. Sure, my aunt Sandra and I screamed and carried on as you would expect us to do when we decided to make use of my closet, but I'll tell you what, it's the defense mechanism of these fat-tailed nuisances that really gets my goat. For as much as we hollered (do Mexicans truly holler? No, it's just a word I use for effect), that mama possum never budged. And here's why you never befriend a possum:
no te pueden tirar esquina.

That's it. Oh. Translate it? Damn. It doesn't translate well, but I'll paraphrase. If you get into a bind, and your possum is your only friend, you're screwed. Because once they scare, they're pretty much as helpful as an ice sculpture. Have you ever scared a possum? I guardedly say I have many times, and while these are stories for another day, the point is this - they freeze. You can stand on your head and cry or throw rocks or toasters or shoes. They. Won't. Move.

Which, in the Case of the Birthing Closet, was an unfortunate thing. It's MUCH easier to be calloused about chasing down an elusive critter. But when they just kind of look up at you with long eyelashes and pink noses, your own survival instincts peter out. And I'm not the authority on the long eyelashes thing. I saw a caricature in a book of a possum once, and the long eyelashes stuck with me. Even so, my uncle Mike has never been one to shirk from the responsibility of protecting me or defying my aunt, so he dutifully collected the offensive, flea-ridden things and even though I know what he did with them, I'm not going to say because even I have a heart and at some point, this tale may end up in the hands of PETA. So, the alternate ending is that he released them into the wild . . .
The moral of the story is when you go looking for a new friend, try a llama or a gerbil.

Why not people?

Because in the sad world that is today, people just might promise you they're going to do something 8 TIMES on national TV and then change their minds . . .

0 comments: