Thursday, March 10, 2011

The Things I Think About We Go Out to Dinner

How long is it going to take to get seated?  Brock won't like waiting at the entrance with other people so close by. I hope no one coughs near him.

I have to pee, but I can't go now because Emma will want to go, even though she doesn't need to and then I'll end up having to go to the restroom twice because she'll need to go later. I'll hold it.  Oh please don't sit us at a table in the middle - not in the middle.  Put us in a corner because Ava is in a mood and Brock doesn't like middles of the room. This is perfect.

Need snacks, need sippy cup, need a pen and paper for when Ava is done with snacks and sippy cup.  Menu? Where are we?  Seafood? Fine.  Emma wants to sit near me, but she's already sitting down and if we let her get up now, she's going to think she can get up all the time. Hmm?  I'm getting them fish. They can split a child's plate. Emma loves fish, but once they bring the bread and cinnamon rolls out, that's all she's going to eat.  Ava is writing on my arm and staring at the people to my left. They think she's cute now, but wait till they see how long she can stare. She's 1, but she is an expert at sizing people up.  She's judgmental, too - little a little old gay man. She has a right is how she seems to feel. She's 1.

Hmm? I'm having the fish and chips or the stuffed crab. I don't feel like eating seafood.  Why are we here? Oh. I suggested it? That makes sense.  Emma is stuffing her mouth with bread. We keep telling her she's going to choke if she doesn't stop that.  Boy, I hope this restaurant doesn't collapse. We're on the second level. Wasn't there a story about a wedding in Israel a few years back where the building collapsed?  There sure are a lot of people in here. That man keeps looking at me.  Are my boobs showing?  Negative. Hmm. Still staring. Ava, take your finger out of your nose, please.  Calamari. Yum. My. Fave. Can't put my plate too close to Ava. She's like a wild monkey - she'll pick it up and hurl it somewhere. Dude's still staring. Hmm.  Wife's right next to him. Older. Red hair. She doesn't notice. Oh well.  Hmm?  I didn't hear what you said, Babe. Never mind, you say.  Alright. Can I have your tomato for Ava?  Ava sure can eat lots of tomato. Jeez. She eats them like they're grapes. Emma spied a mosquito.  Mosquito, Momma! Look out!  It's cold in here.  I wish I was at home eating a bowl of Raisin Bran Crunch. Why did I order ranch?

Emma wants to sit next to me.  Food's here. Oh good. Ava's choking on an animal cracker. Drink some tea, baby.  No, not ALL the tea.  All better.  Jeez that sucks. I need more tea. Now the mix isn't going to be the same.  I ordered stuffed crab? Okay.  Yuck. That sucks. The crab tastes like fish. If I wanted fish, I would order fish. Oh well, everyone's eating and they seem happy. Ava is writing on my hand. I wonder how we would get out of here if the building collapsed.

It's freezing in here.  I need to write this all down. My mind needs a secretary - someone to organize it and keep it on track.